This hasn’t been my experience. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve wanted to be a mum for as long as I can remember. I would often fantasise about my future children and the joys of motherhood. So when the day finally came and I saw those two pink lines on the pregnancy strip, what did I feel? Sheer panic.
Panic for how I was going to be a parent, how it was going to affect my relationship, how we would afford it, whether my husband’s health would be stable (he is a two time survivor of brain cancer), panic for losing myself. I felt like a stranger in my own body.
Never in a million years, did I think I would feel this way. I was surprised at how I was dealing with this new information and my expectation vs reality of pregnancy was shocking to me. I felt genuinely depressed and grateful for this pregnancy all at the same time. We live very far from our support network (different state & countries) in a remote town, and an overwhelming sense of isolation started creeping in. Paired with extreme morning (all day) sickness (24/7 nausea & vomiting up to 8 times a day), I was struggling.
I felt guilty because so many women struggle to conceive and we had accidentally fell pregnant. I felt guilty because as a Naturopath I know the health benefits of doing baby prep before conceiving, meanwhile id been sipping on copious glasses of prosecco over Christmas and new years (when we conceived).
The most shocking part of this whole experience was I felt SO alone. I felt that I hadn’t heard any women talk about pregnancy in this way and that I should just be feeling excited.
This is why I’m sharing my story. I think it’s so important to share our experiences, regardless of whether they fit societal norms or not. If I had heard another woman speak candidly like this before I fell pregnant, maybe I wouldn’t have felt so isolated and alone.
This post isn’t to complain, it’s to offer insight on how a pregnant woman may be feeling. So dear reader, whether you are pregnant, will one day be pregnant or have a partner who may become pregnant, its important to remember that ALL experiences are valid.
Lexi
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